Blogging About Everything!

David's Ears
David has had a continuous ear infection for the last 3-4 months. After 3 doses of Amoxicillen, 1 dose of Augmenton, 1 dose of Cefdinir, 1 dose of Azrithmoycin (sp?), and 1 dose of something that is three days of shots, they are finally doing tubes. We see the ENT on Thursday. We are looking forward to hopefully getting more sleep at night.

Farworld
Its a book series. I have the first two if anyone would like to borrow them. Then we can go out to lunch and talk about it.

We're Excited!
Ben has been wanting to lose weight for a while, but doesn't have the desire to exercise. so the change had to come else where. Mid January he began counting his calories and has really changed his eating habits. He has already lost about 15 pounds. I'm excited that he is getting healthy and getting in control of his weight. Good job Benjamin! I love you the mostest!!

Brianna
I haven't shared the full story of our loss because I am a little worried about how the story will come across. We loved him so much. I hate to think that his story may be taken lightly or his life may seem less significant to some. His life was significant. He made such an impact on our lives. To help share the full depth of our loss, the LDS church has recognized our loss as a stillborn and allowed us to name him and add him to our family group sheet. Ben and I had it confirmed to us many times that he is indeed a part of our enternal family. I am grateful for that.

If I remember correctly there are five stages of grief. There were moments with Brianna that I may always remember. It is those moments I'll share.

1. Denial, shock, disbelief
For days after the delivery Brianna kept asking if the baby had died. Ben and I weren't sure just how much she grasped, so we really didn't talk about it with her. And I tried really hard to not cry in front of our kids. When she asked her questions we answered them.

2. Realization, I really don't know what this ones called
End of November we were moving the pictures frames on the piano to make room for our nativity.

me: We need to get new pictures because Connor got a new baby sister and Peter is getting a new baby sister soon and we need new pictures with them.
Brianna: Since our baby died no one will take our picture anymore?
me: No. They still love us and like having our picture.
Brianna: But our baby died.

3. Anger
Beginning of December Brianna started carrying David around and wanting to hold his sippy cup and spoon feed him. David didn't like this which I would tell Brianna to stop and that David is not a baby, he is a big boy. Then Brianna would yell at me that she wanted a baby and that she waited a long time to get one and she didn't get one. Then she would go cry in her room. For weeks this went one.

4. Depression
I think Christmas helped a lot with this one. There was a time in there that she just wanted to 'go' and 'go' we did. We went to the zoo, the church museum, play places, Connor's house, Peter's house, and many other places.

5. Acceptance
In January we were shopping at Walmart when we walked by the baby stuff and I heavy sighed over a really cute outfit. Brianna came up to me, took my hand and told me that, "Jesus will give us another baby soon". If only our soon and Jesus' soon were the same soon.

My New Ring
Losing a baby is hard. I mainly have good days, but I was having a hard day early in February. Ben's grandparents showed up that day with a gift for me. Many months ago I decided I would write Ben's uncle who is really struggling. My postcards have become cherished by him and Ben's grandparents have really appreciated me writing him. The gift was a ring that belonged to Ben's great grandma. They came on a day that I needed help. The ring and words given mean so much to me.

I don't share these things lightly and I don't want people to judge me. I share them because it helps me with my grieving and I need that.

My super amaxing WIFE!!!

HA! you wanted to hear about something in Tamis poll didnt you? Well I had to take this moment to brag about my AMAZING GRLFRIEND!! Just look at what she has been doing to beautify out home...

She made us a headboard, some drapes, a new wall hanger out of scrap lumber from my basement project, Made us a warm quilt, and painted fancy script on our wall!

Thanks sweetie!

Opinions Please

I want to update my blog, but I find I can't seem to pick something. So I will blog about the thing that gets the most votes. I know look at me making every one's day happier! Ooh, what will win!

If you have a request please leave a comment below. Ben and I will then pay rock, paper, scissors, it see if I will blog about it. Everything will be considered.